What Is It About Bad Boys?

What’s not to love about bad boys? When we think about what we think we lack, they have it in spades. A bad boy is confident, rebellious and boy, talk about that alpha male masculinity challenging us. There’s something about that mysterious, brooding loner that rings all our bells – and of course, it’s all just an illusion.

When it comes down to it, most bad boys crumble when the going gets tough. The minute something needs facing, or that they should be taking ownership of what they’ve done, they’ll deflect, sidestep and dissemble to avoid it. Like anyone, a bad boy values his freedom, but they’ll often be so afraid of feeling trapped that they’ll make an exaggerated shying away from intimacy and closeness. For many of us, we’ll see this as a rejection and chase after them to try and ‘make things up’ – making the bad boy run even faster.

My experience is that your average bad boy is sensitive, but only as far as his own needs. There’s a narcissism that allows them to use their sensitivity to manipulate you into satisfying their needs – and they will often appear quite thoughtful and charming about it. You might think that the date is all about you, but it is at heart all about meeting their needs.

On a certain level there’s honesty about that, if that’s all you’re looking for in the relationship. And if you’re dating a bad boy, you almost certainly do already know about this. You’re well aware of the fragility behind that bluff take-charge exterior, and you’ll be forgiving and caring and supportive as much as they need – but that’s the trap.

What we do when we fall in love is raise that person up in our esteem, putting them on a pedestal. When their opinion, actions and words mean as much to us as they do, we are reducing our own status. Equality comes in the relationship when your partner does the same back bring you both back to a normal level. A bad boy usually doesn’t have the maturity or openness to be able to do this for you, leading to a huge imbalance in the relationship. We want that love back, so we chase after them, demanding it – and they see that as an attempt to pin them down, so they run.

My advice? Know what you want, and be up front about it. Who knows, maybe you’ll become a bit of a bad boy yourself?

This article was submitted by Lisa from www.gay-dating.za.com, one of South Africa’s leading gay dating websites. Lisa writes for several high profile dating agencies about relationship related issues and is a active supporter of education in Africa of gay rights.

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