What Is It About Bad Boys?

What’s not to love about bad boys? When we think about what we think we lack, they have it in spades. A bad boy is confident, rebellious and boy, talk about that alpha male masculinity challenging us. There’s something about that mysterious, brooding loner that rings all our bells – and of course, it’s all just an illusion.

When it comes down to it, most bad boys crumble when the going gets tough. The minute something needs facing, or that they should be taking ownership of what they’ve done, they’ll deflect, sidestep and dissemble to avoid it. Like anyone, a bad boy values his freedom, but they’ll often be so afraid of feeling trapped that they’ll make an exaggerated shying away from intimacy and closeness. For many of us, we’ll see this as a rejection and chase after them to try and ‘make things up’ – making the bad boy run even faster.

My experience is that your average bad boy is sensitive, but only as far as his own needs. There’s a narcissism that allows them to use their sensitivity to manipulate you into satisfying their needs – and they will often appear quite thoughtful and charming about it. You might think that the date is all about you, but it is at heart all about meeting their needs.

On a certain level there’s honesty about that, if that’s all you’re looking for in the relationship. And if you’re dating a bad boy, you almost certainly do already know about this. You’re well aware of the fragility behind that bluff take-charge exterior, and you’ll be forgiving and caring and supportive as much as they need – but that’s the trap.

What we do when we fall in love is raise that person up in our esteem, putting them on a pedestal. When their opinion, actions and words mean as much to us as they do, we are reducing our own status. Equality comes in the relationship when your partner does the same back bring you both back to a normal level. A bad boy usually doesn’t have the maturity or openness to be able to do this for you, leading to a huge imbalance in the relationship. We want that love back, so we chase after them, demanding it – and they see that as an attempt to pin them down, so they run.

My advice? Know what you want, and be up front about it. Who knows, maybe you’ll become a bit of a bad boy yourself?

This article was submitted by Lisa from www.gay-dating.za.com, one of South Africa’s leading gay dating websites. Lisa writes for several high profile dating agencies about relationship related issues and is a active supporter of education in Africa of gay rights.

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How To Cope With a Divorce

Divorce graphic from mybedoryours.com affair siteMarriage is one of the happiest times in anyone’s life. It is when you join with your loved one and vow to be together forever. However the reality of it is that almost 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Even though marriage is one of the happiest times in your life, divorce is one of the worst times in your life. Learning how to cope with your divorce will help you get through this difficult time in your life.

Admitting That it is Over

In order to cope with your divorce, you must first admit to yourself that it is happening. Many people that are going through divorce, whether you are the divorcer or the divorcee, have difficulty admitting to themselves that their marriage is over. A marriage is supposed to last a lifetime and knowing that you were unable to make yours work makes you feel like a failure. However, you are not a failure. People change and sometimes the changes are too much to overcome. When two people that love each other change significantly and begin to grow apart, the love can start to fade away. Once you have admitted that the marriage is over you can begin the coping process.

Learning to Cope

Forgiving all that has been done is the first step in coping with the divorce. Whether you did something wrong or you were wronged by your spouse you need to forgive and forget. There is not need to dwell on what happened. The next step is going through all of you shared items. If you are not bringing lawyers into the divorce then you should decipher who gets what. Sometimes a lawyer will need to come into the process, but that is still helping you cope. The next step is letting go of your marriage. Do not live in the past. There are things that you did as a married couple that you may think you no longer can do, but that is not true. You can do anything that you want, just as a single person. The final step in coping with a divorce is going on a date. Once the wounds have begun to heal you need to get yourself back out into the dating scene. Vowing to never get married or never date again will just make you miserable. Instead, allow yourself to let others into your life. You may even find yourself falling in love again.

Divorce is a difficult time for both parties. It is the end of a marriage, a union, a relationship, but it does not have to be the end of your life. Learning how to cope with the divorce will allow you to let go of the past and move on to a bigger and brighter future. For more: http://scheidungohneanwalt.com.

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